Current. Topical. Trending. . . . This post is none of those.
This post is none of those because I am none of those. To prove my point, I’ll start with a story dating back twelve years.
From about 2001 – 2005, I was puzzled and a little bit hurt every time someone typed “LOL” in an email or IM. I thought it stood for:
“Geez, that’s harsh!” I would think.
More recently, after a year of seeing “BOGO” on billboards, in newspapers, and in commercials, I asked one of my cool (social guru?) friends what the heck it meant. She explained it to me:
My first thought was, “That’s fun!” My second thought was, “That’s dumb! Of course you get one when you buy one. I think what they mean is, BOGOF.”. . . But I guess that doesn’t sound as good.
The great thing about not being current or cool is that you don’t know enough to care. I live happily in my bubble. I like it there. And it is in this spirit of out-of-touch dorkusness that I present this post – about three years too late.
Lemoning: Things I Have in Common with Liz Lemon (smiley face, wink sign)
Big D and I didn’t really start watching 30 Rock until its last season; and when the final episode aired, we were bummed that it took us so long to catch on to its greatness. Wanting more, we went back to the pilot episode and just kept watching. And watching. And watching. Over the past few weeks we’ve grown to love these characters. Somewhere during season two I started noticing . . .
DUM, DUM, DUMMMM!
“Oh my starz! I’m Lemoning!”
The signs were everywhere. Here are a few of them.
Wears a cool necklace. Actually, it was a rape whistle, but the whistle fell off. She liked the way it looked, so she just kept wearing it.
A few weeks ago I noticed a purple button in my right tennis shoe. I have no idea where it came from or how it got there. I keep it in there for two reasons. 1.) It seems like good luck. (I don’t know, is that a thing?) 2.) It seems like too much trouble to take it out. I just jiggle it to the side if my foot gets uncomfortable.
Makes up curse words like “blurg”, “nerds”, and “shark farts”.
I do curse, but because of my upbringing, there are a few curses I can never use. My favorite substitutions are “shoot a monkey”, “Jiminy Christmas”, and “God bless America!” The trouble with the last one is that guilt always follows for using “God” and “America” out of anger and in the same sentence.
Eats cheap cheese chips made in Mexico called Sabor de Soledad.
Duh! Off-brand cheese puffs are the best kind! They’re even better if you open the bag and let them get stale first. My motto: Let the puffs breathe.
Really brings it, in her cupcake PJs with the chest pocket.
Mine have Dalmatians . . . and candy canes. By the way, what did the designer think a grown woman might store in that pocket? Oooh, I know! Night candy.
Which reminds me of the next similarity. . . .
Prefers to spend her evenings at home in her slanket eating an assortment of cheeses. This makes her so happy, she makes up the song, “Night Cheese” to celebrate.
My ideal evening involves warm, loose clothing and an assortment of melted cheese dips with chips. I don’t have the words worked out yet for my happy song.
Believes in moderation when it comes to exercise. “Where are my Sno-balls? I’m going to the gym later, so I deserve a treat.”
Liz’s yoga pose:
Oh wait. That’s me.
I had a yoga mat once, but I took it outside and unrolled it over some cat poo. Now I do my locust and half-tortoise poses on the bare floor – occasionally getting a piece of lint stuck to my chin or forehead.
Regularly wears a gray TGS sweatshirt/hoodie.
Big D and I were married in matching gray hoodies which had our work logo (at the time) on the fronts. Fifty Shades of Grey best summarizes my hoodie/shirt/sweater collection.
That hanger is empty because I’m wearing one.
Liz’s best stories involve food, are centered around food, or happen over a plate of food.
I’ve been learning about the law of attraction lately. The day after Easter, Big D and I were at the store looking at candy. (Holiday candy tastes better on sale.) I was looking for my favorite chocolate eggs, but couldn’t find them anywhere. I determined that the next random place on the shelf where my hand landed would be the candy we bought. I reached in, grabbed a bag, and pulled out the very candy I had been searching for!
See, a story is always better when food is involved.
Search-engines new, popular words.
How do you think I found out about “amazeballs” the other week? This week I looked up “keek” so that I can pretend to understand what one of my teenage voice students keeps talking about.
Desperately wants children, but fears she is too late. Afraid it won’t come together for her.
I don’t really have a joke for this one. But if it can happen for a Lemon, surely it will happen for me.
– Lemoning in Nashville
– AKA Anita, Noted in Nashville