Just for Gits & Shiggles

103_0700To get my feet back into the blog water after a week off, I thought I’d share a few things that make me laugh.  Just for gits and shiggles.

Death by Bottomless Pit

Low-budget movies can be hilarious – without meaning to be.  Big D and I like to perform our own version of Mystery Science Theater 3000 when we can’t find a “good” movie to watch.  Ironically, it was a MST3000 movie we were watching when one of the main characters told the sad story of the death of her father.  He had fallen into a bottomless pit – never to return.

I can’t believe Tom Servo and Crow missed this golden opportunity that Big D and I couldn’t help riffing on.  “Uh, you mean he died of starvation?  Or just pure boredom.  How many days would that take, exactly?  Can you picture it?  ‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . . Ahhhhhhh. . . Ahhhhh. . .  Ahhh. . .  Ahh. . .  Ah. . .  Yawn.’ “

Always be Prepared for Spontaneous Combustion

I was thinking of finishing my kitchen island with a product to keep it glossy and protected, when I read the warning on the back of the can, “Be prepared.  This product could spontaneously combust.”

Ummm. . .  How exactly does one prepare for something that is not only by definition, but by title, SPONTANEOUS?  And why would one want to?

That could really ruin my mornings, you know.  “Babe, could you pass the orange juice?  And, when you get a minute, the island’s on fire again.”

Pass.

103_7321Well. . . I Almost Had to Wait!

Do you remember this line from the movie Overboard?

I couldn’t help but think of it when I went to pay a bill a few weeks ago.  The woman behind the counter remarked, “I see you only had two more days to pay this.”

I almost drew blood from my tongue as I held back, “In other words, I PAID IT ON TIME!”  For Pete’s sake, if you want me to pay the bill in 15 days, then why don’t you just make the bill due in 15 days?

Which reminds me of another great line from another great movie:

Lay Your Cards on the Table

Big D and I like to gather around the table for coffee and cards whenever we get together with his aunt and uncle.  Skip Bo is our game of choice, and we can play for hours.  We like to pair up – men against women, and the conversations are always colorful.  Doug’s aunt and uncle are some of the best friends we have, and some of the funniest people we know.  His aunt is 5 foot nothin’, tough as nails, and as generous as a dream.  His uncle will do just about anything for a laugh, and literally wakes up whistling every morning.

Once, when the guys were down by a few hands, Big D’s uncle was getting frustrated.  He was tired of losing, and he was sure that they were about to lose again.

Big D’s aunt, who is believed by her husband to be one of the luckiest people in the world, said with a bit of competitive condescension, “Ahh, hang in there.  The game’s not over yet.  Just think positive.”

And Big D’s uncle answered with this quintessential summary of his own personality:

“I do think positive. . .  BUT IT DON’T DO ME NO GOOD!”

103_3638– Anita, Noted in Nashville

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14 thoughts on “Just for Gits & Shiggles

  1. Love it! My now 21-year-old son and I have been playing MST3000 “home-version” during movies for years, we love “B” movies.

    And the bill bit / pieces of flair. When did the bureaucrats wrest control from the rest of us?

  2. I sure wish I’d wake up every morning whistling. Like your kitchen island product, I’m more likely to spontaneously combust than wake up with a whistle and a song!

  3. Love this post Anita! And can we just say that Big D’s Aunt & Uncle are way too cool! They sound amazing! Number one, anyone that can get up whistling in the morning deserves to be idolized!! lol. I’m with Carrie on this! I luv your kitchen bar, flame included!! And your video just so happens to be one of my all time favorite movies. Kurt Russell & Goldie Hawn at their best! (Hacking sounds) “I just………ate a bug!” Sharing post now! 😉

    • LOL! I love that movie. I watch it every time I need a pick-me-up. “Andrew, are you going to bring me my lemon, or do I have to squeeze it from my hat?” Goldie and Kurt make a great pair. . . As do Big D’s aunt and uncle. 🙂

  4. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. The hubby and I LOVE MST3000, and sometimes play our own version, too. BTW, sometimes Crow & Servo do miss a good opportunity. 😉

    • “We moved here? Deliberately?”

      “Are mashed potatoes supposed to be crunchy?”

      “I don’t know who I am, but I’m SURE I have a lawyer!”

      Okay, I’ll stop now. Don’t even get me going on Groundhog’s Day. 🙂

    • I’m so sorry for going MIA. Things got busy around here in a hurry. I was planning a break for the summer, but not so suddenly. How are things with you? I hope you’re selling lots of “copies” of your song!!

      • So glad you’re okay!

        “They Say” (Remastered) is doing well, but I have an offer to add orchestration to it, so I’m trying to figure out to what length I really want to get that involved, having already moved on to the next, which is being considered for an episode in “Trailer Park Boys”, which is perfect as it’s a rap/parody about a trailer park party that ran out of jack.

        My intention had been to make a comedic video of this tubby-loser rapping lamely talking about saving the party “I’ll be back, back with the Jack”, only to return to “my tv was missing, my couch overturned, my lady passed-out, flat on her back…”

        But that’s now on hold because of the show…

        Glad to have you back!

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